In Laws

How To Deal With Toxic People

If you want to know how to deal with toxic people, including in-laws, then pay careful attention.

The point of this list is to show that loving toxic people doesn't mean tolerating them!

What makes people toxic is that they try to drag you into their victimhood.

The most important thing to understand is you don't have to be the victim of a toxic person.

You can deal with toxic people without feeling guilty.

Who Is A Toxic Person?

  • We all know people who view the world in ways very different than we do and that can lead to disagreements. Sometimes these people are difficult and can be a challenge to be around, but they're different than toxic people.

  • Toxic people are narcissists.

  • Toxic people have only one person in their world, themselves.

  • Toxic people are demanding and try to control how you relate to them.

  • Toxic people's problems are far worse than yours or anybody else's. Their problems become your problems but for reasons known only to them, are unsolvable.

  • Toxic people see themselves as victims and although they will complain to you relentlessly, they will never accept your advice or help. 

  • Toxic people are manipulative, sometimes subtly through gaslighting, other times boldly in your face and outright disruptive.

  • Toxic people will accuse you of misunderstanding them while they misjudge your motives, twist your words and never attempt to understand you.

  • Toxic people are needy and force themselves on you, but will never attend to your needs.


Who Are You In Relation To This Toxic Person?

  • We usually think of our relationship with people according to our roles in their lives. 

  • You are a son or daughter, a brother or sister, an in-law, a friend, a co-worker, etc.

  • But Christians are to view all earthly relationships as secondary.

  • Toxic people's relationships with you can make you feel like you have to help them but it doesn’t mean you can, or always should.

  • Your primary relationship is with God through your Savior, Jesus Christ.

  • You are a child of God and will never be another person's savior.  

  • There is freedom in being a child and not a savior.

  • Realizing God does not expect you to fulfill the toxic person's demands or attempt to solve all their problems will remove the false-guilt toxic people try to force on you.

jesus savior

How Should I Treat This Toxic Person?

  • God calls you to love people and the most loving thing to do for toxic people is to speak truth into their lives.

  • Some people have strongholds and you can teach them to take every thought captive, but you can't force it.

  • If you've tried to help someone and they refuse help and prefer to victimize themselves with their own foolish stubbornness, pride and self-pity, then it's time to let them reap what they sow.

  • God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Leave them in God's hands.


Withdraw From Toxic People

  • It's easy to fall into the guilt trap of toxic people – but not so easy to escape.

  • It's a dangerous trap, where the toxic person sucks the life out of you as their toxicity rubs off onto you. 

  • As they draw you into their victimhood mentality, you will start to feel like you are their victim. 

  • Being a victim will make you frustrated, angry, pessimistic, and self-centered.

  • You will become like them if you don't get away from them.

  • It is appropriate to withdraw from toxic people.

  • After all, loving them is doing what is in their best interest, and playing a role in perpetuating their self-centeredness does them more harm than good.

Learn From Toxic People

  • Jesus said to get the log out of your eye before attempting to remove the speck from another's eye.

  • Examine your own heart as you consider who the toxic people are in your life. Do you resemble them in any way?

  • I know there are many times I've been self-centered, made demands, held pity parties and lived with a victim mindset.

  • I've confessed my sins – but I'm not a fool.

  • I know if I’m not careful, I'm just as prone as the toxic person to think too much of myself and too little of others.

  • But I also know that God's grace empowers me to fight against making life all about me.

  • I am a child of God and do not want to glory in myself instead of Him.

  • I am more than a conqueror through Christ.

Bottom line: You should LET GO OF GUILT as you LET GO OF TOXIC PEOPLE in your life.

One caveat: Make sure you’ve loved the toxic person in word and deed before you withdraw. And never give up hope that God might lead them to repentance.

And here's one more thing: If you’re married and think you’ve acted like a toxic person, it’s not too late to change. This article is just the tip of the iceberg for how to relate to people.

This program I just released gives you the rest of the story.


Tired of having the same fights over and over again?

triggers toolkit mockup (700 x 700 px)
  • Learn how emotional triggers spark intense reactions that lead to conflicts
  • Discover the three conflict triggers that set you off and why it happens 
  • Identify the predictable patterns so you can stop the negative cycle
Read More
relatives holidays
In Laws

How To Deal With Difficult In-Laws During The Holidays

Everybody has to deal with difficult relatives during the holidays.

What should that look like in Christian marriage?

When most people see the word "relatives" they immediately think of people they are connected to through blood or marriage.

They might think of favorite cousins, funny uncles, or grandparents who send lots of gifts.

However, for some married folks, they think of disappointing or disapproving in-laws.

But, when I hear the word relatives, I think about relationships.

Let me share my thoughts about the word relatives when it applies to family conflicts, especially if you really want to diffuse arguments and prevent misunderstandings during the holidays.

  • My mom always said you can choose your friends but not your relatives, and that is so true!
  • We don't like some of the people we are related to, including those that became relatives through marriage, the in-laws.
  • But that doesn't mean we can't have a good relationship with them.
  • In fact, God puts people in our lives so we can relate to them in the way God relates to us.

BOTTOM LINE:  Through marriage, God has brought many more people into your sphere of influence so you can reflect His character to them.

Here's how you can put all this into action - treat people the way God treats you.

God has compassion for you, even in your weaknesses, faults and sins. You don't deserve His kindness, yet He pours out unconditional love on you for your benefit.

You don't have to like somebody to love them the way God loves. You can care for them in spite of their weaknesses, faults and sins without demanding they meet certain conditions that might make you like them more.

When you start relating to them in ways that benefit them instead of avoiding or condemning them, you will build bridges with them that in time, will improve your relationship with them.

Tired of having the same fights over and over again?

triggers toolkit mockup (700 x 700 px)
  • Learn how emotional triggers spark intense reactions that lead to conflicts
  • Discover the three conflict triggers that set you off and why it happens 
  • Identify the predictable patterns so you can stop the negative cycle
Read More