Advice To The Victim Of Betrayal
Stop it right now!
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
It’s true the betrayal was an unexpected kick in the gut.
It’s led to more heartache than anything else you’ve ever faced.
You might think your situation is extraordinary, hopeless, or impossible for anyone else to understand.
But guess what?
I’ve been there.
Where you are right now.
Struggling to comprehend how someone you love so much could betray you so callously.
So have many other wives.
All of us drowning under the same flood of painful emotions.
You're not the only one who trusted her husband with her very life, only to discover he spent a lifetime swimming in an ocean of deception.
You’re not the only one who spends hours searching your memory for clues you overlooked that could have spared you this heartache.
You're not the only one to look everywhere for the magic bullet that will destroy the ongoing torment of broken trust.
And you’re not the only one who doesn’t know where to turn when your world is turned upside down.
Is It Safe To Be Alone?
But thinking you are totally alone on your betrayal journey is dangerous.
It makes you look at everyone with suspicion, wondering what kind of double life they might be living.
It reminds you how helpless you were to protect yourself so you doubt every decision, fearing one wrong move will put your entire future at risk.
It reinforces the idea that nobody can be trusted so you isolate yourself to prevent being victimized again.
Worst of all, it shouts the question you don’t dare say out loud, “God, how could you let this happen to me?”
And that needs to stop right now!
Because you are sabotaging yourself.
All the anger, fear and doubts combine into one thundering voice that screams your doomed identity:
The Shocking Truth About Being A Victim
Yes, it’s true!
You are a victim of your husband's sin.
And nobody asks to be a victim, right?
But one thing’s for sure, you don’t have to victimize yourself.
A victim is a person who suffers from a destructive action or one who is deceived or cheated by the dishonesty of others, by his or her own emotions or ignorance, or by some impersonal agency.
First of all, let’s state the facts.
Your spouse deceived and cheated you, and you are suffering from this destructive action so according to the definition above, you are a victim of your husband’s sin.
But here’s the rub…
You can also be the victim of your own emotions!
Foolish, isn’t it?
I know, because I was in that cruel prison for a long time.
You cower in fear or lash out in anger because you have only one goal: to protect self!
Self protection is a very natural response to anyone who’s been victimized.
The compelling desire to protect yourself seems justifiable, but when it becomes an obsession, it’s crossed the line and emerges as ugly pride.
A high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or displayed in behavior.
What Jesus Can Teach You About Betrayal
Now pride is a serious problem for the Christian because pride dims the image of God.
A self-focused victim looks inward and sees its human limitations rather than God’s all-surpassing power.
A heart focused solely on itself will be captured in the trap of bitterness.
It will demand justice, but not let God be the judge.
It will grow hateful when the desire for vengeance exceeds the desire for healing.
The victim doesn’t really want healing, it wants recognition.
It demands the right to be angry instead of fulfilling the duty to forgive.
It wants to feed on loss and sadness instead of truth.
A victim is so engrossed in thoughts of self, there is no room to meditate on the truths and promises of God.
A victim insists on justice, but fails to remember that Christ Himself didn’t do that when betrayed, but put Himself in God’s hands.
When He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.
1 peter 2:23
What would happen if you followed Jesus’ example and committed yourself to God?
Would your life fall apart if you stop trying so fiercely to protect it?
Would others take advantage of you if you trust them?
Would your emotions exploit you with the command, “You must never give up control!”
Is it possible to give up your right to be a victim without giving up your safety?
Not only is it possible, it is necessary.
God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
How To Handle What You Can't Control
Admitting your weakness doesn’t make you a loser.
It makes you human.
And humans are not little gods with power to control their world.
Humans were not designed to live life without God.
Humans were designed from the very beginning to be dependent upon God.
And God became human for your sake!
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
When you humble yourself before God and view your life through a biblical perspective, you can cope with betrayal because you understand there is a bigger purpose for your life.
FREE Crisis Guide For Christian Wives
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But there is more to life than merely coping.
There is conquering.
A person who conquers is a victor.
So what is it that you need to conquer?
Is it really possible to stop being a victim of your own emotions and conquer them instead?
You know you need to.
Yet deep down inside, you know can’t do it alone.
The first step is to stop trying.
You have to confess your own helplessness and go to the only One who can help.
Once you take the focus off yourself, your hope will be in God.
Then you can focus on His abilities and presence, knowing that you are never alone.
You have a loving Father who is Almighty God and no betrayal by others, no sin of your own, no temptation of the devil, absolutely nothing separates you from Him.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written:“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Victory Is Possible
It is possible to conquer.
It is impossible to do it alone.
Without Me, you can do nothing.
Are you ready to be the victor instead of the victim?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself...right now!
Start seeking God...right now!
He loves you...right now!
He understands you...right now!
He helps you...right now!
You can be a victor...right now!
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.